A man's first impression is primarily VISUAL - they are drawn to pretty girls and bright colors whether it's a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair is a whole other story. Yes, there are a number of spots where it seems like this book contradicts itself the whole therapist business, the fashion magazines, etc etc , and if you want to nitpick the entire thing as though it's a classic of world literature, you're bound to find many faults. But I don't think that's what this book should be treated as. By applying a deliberate approach to relationships, Rules champions suggest, a woman has the time and space to discover and reflect upon the character and actions of a man she is dating. It has become socially acceptable and entirely common for a woman to spend her 20s focusing on her career and hanging around with her friends and running around with different men.
Proponents of the methods offered in the book point to The Rules as having positive results for both men and women. One of the reasons The Rules has been so successful is that a whole generation of women is marrying later. Here are some ways in which I think this book succeeds: And assuming you are taking care of yourself for yourself , this really doesn't matter in the long run. But it's still no reason to trash the book. Why should they want to surrender control? She and her co-author, Sherrie Schneider, suggest that women should defer to their husbands, and recommend that they grow their hair, as men find long hair more attractive. It whispers of happy endings that have begun to seem arduous and complicated and out of reach. Some audiences considered it useful and motivational, while others felt that it was outdated,  anti men and antifeminist ,  or a how-to guide that teaches women to play games that toy with men. Another criticism is that because The Rules advise rarely returning phone calls and other such hard-to-get dating methods, some men may have trouble telling the difference between a woman who is genuinely not interested or not interested anymore and one who is genuinely interested, thus leading to misunderstandings and stalkers; not only for women using The Rules, but any man who believes all women are playing similar games even when they are not. They also cite that discipline and consideration inform the actions which create egalitarian relationships. Especially with men, actions do speak louder than words. Schneider has been married for over 21 years. If that's not you, then this book is not for you. It's a scientific fact that our brains are wired differently. Did Fein fail to read between her own lines? However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of "don't just say you're busy, BE busy. The Rules taps into the stories we were told as children, the fairy tales and knights, the Mr Darcys and Heathcliffs. The journalist who calls strangers all day long for a living may wait for a man to call her for dinner. Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. How did I get off track? So what went wrong? To let him choose the place. Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work was released in the midst of Fein's legal separation from her husband to whom she had been married for sixteen years. They're not saying you can't be honest about your awkward ugly duckling phase in high school or the fact you're in AA - just not on the first couple dates. Men and women are fundamentally different - not in terms of equality or worth as human beings, but in the ways they interact, behave and what each is initially attracted to.
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'Not Your Mother's Rules': Dating Tips
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